Waiting...

I've met someone. Someone who has made me willing to stop dating around. We've talked a little. I have no idea if he is even interested in me. But I am definitely interested in him and I think he's worth getting to know better. I have no idea how to go about this. We have a mutual friend but our lives don't intersect anywhere other than our shared friend. I go stupid every time he talks to me. I am not a shy person but when he talks to me or is near me, every thought runs right out of my head. We had a 3 sentence conversation the other night and I'm kicking myself for not continuing the conversation. I know there will be another time but it frustrates me that I am incapable of having a intelligent conversation with him. I will not go stupid the next time I have a chance to talk to him. I hope.

Break ups

Dating as a single mom of four, is such a different thing from dating as a teenager. I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He's a great guy. Has a good job, is responsible, caring, generous,  has a very kind heart. But he doesn't make my heart go pitter-patter. 

I haven't wanted to introduce him to my kids. I thought, at first, that I just was being cautious. That I didn't want to let them get attached to a man that may not be a permanent thing. But I realized that really, I just wasn't comfortable with the idea. I'm not sure why, but the idea of telling my kids that I was dating him just never felt right. 

I feel bad breaking up with him right before Christmas but I felt there was nothing to be gained by dragging it out and pretending all throughout the holidays.

For as lonely as I get sometimes, I don't want someone all up in my business. I don't want someone else involved in my kids' lives other than me. If I feel like sitting on the couch knitting all night, I don't feel like explaining myself. Above all, and maybe this makes me a horrible person, I don't want to share my limited time and attention with anyone other than my children. Between my kids and school, I'm tapped out. 

Break ups can really suck. But sometimes, there is no relief like knowing that you ended something that just wasn't a good fit.